To My Love,

I waited so impatiently for you

I couldn’t wait to see you

to hold you

To meet you.

When you arrived

You were so warm, and moving,

and real

Alive

But I was not

You were the first light revealing

How far away I was

But the twinkle of your light

Was a guide back

To where you were, and I was

Where we could live

What to me seemed a dream

Together

But they shine a light too

The ones who held me

The ones who met me

They tell me

You are too sensitive

That is why I left you.

You heartlessly push me away

That is why I left you.

You never ask for help

That is why I left you.

No one ever helped me

That is why I left you.

I had it 10 times worse than you

That is why I left you.

You are strong enough to overcome

That is why I left you.

You ask for me to be impossibly perfect

That is why I left you.

I chased after her

I chased after him

That is why I left you.

I chased in terror

I sped up

until I fell

Collapsed

My face hitting the rocks first

hard

Scratched

Peeled away

Bleeding

Cut but still beautiful

Laying alone

On my side

My breathing fast at first

But slowing

Laboring

My eyes seeing the empty road before me

As the dust of my struggle falls all around me

“Momma!”

A cry!

Is it me?

Is it because of me?

Is it for me?

A tiny dream of light

In my peripheral

Beautiful.

I turn to it

I reach for it

I stand for it

I walk towards it

I chase in awe until I fall for it

This living life with you

Through joy, through fear, through pain,

through peace

My eyes see our eternal path together

I loved you, but feared love

So I left you

To pursue the love I knew

The love I trusted

To kill me

The real me

Because I knew, I had found you

My love

Who would save me

After I was cut

Free

To see what I love

To be by my love

To love what I love

Fearlessly

One thought on “To My Love,

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