Who Am I?

I turn inside with words
"Who am I?"

I hear ricocheting replies
Proclamations of strength
Tearful helpless hurting
Screams of rage spiraling destroying
Whispers of my fears confirmed
A panicky flow of words
A loud mocking laugh
A meek voice promising a flinching kindness
A gentle confident voice reassuring love

I am all of these
I am none of these
Besides the one asking 
"Who am I?"

And the reply is - 

14 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. When I can just be a witness for the part of me that goes almost psychotic with all of those emotionsl I understand there is something deeper I am.. You get to that in the final lines. It can take time to have processed those feelings enough to begin to be able to step away and stop identifying ss them.. really they are waves of protest from the deep core longing to pass on through and change us in our reactions..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I relate so much to every word you’ve written. It’s very much where I am now. There is a certain heavy emotion that rises up in me over and over and I get lost in it like you said. Once I get in that state I struggle to pull myself out of it. That state sort of hates the rest of me and is hopeless. Lose urge to even pull myself out of it. It’s as if it’s disconnected from the other sides of me and the inner parent.

      But just like you shared I do believe it has something to teach me, so I’m trying to be nonjudgmental towards myself when I go there and listen. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, it guides me forward and reassures me. ❤️


      • Ive been in that place lately
        . Ever since Mars went into the 12th house. I feel a great weight on me there is grief over so much that seems lacking in compassion around me. Don’t know if that makes sense. But somedays it is hard to pull ourselves out of it. And yes maybe it is about access to the loving inner parent being blocked. That makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved this and resonated so much, when up until a year and a half ago. I am 44. I didn’t know either, but as in the comment above we are who we choose to be but also I like to think we are who we were when we were born, innocent, curious individuals. I sat down one day and decided to stop living through other people and asked myself a lot of questions, mainly simple ones to find the true me and through writing I feel I have discovered her. Just want to say that I hear you and feel you💙

    Liked by 1 person

    • I relate so much to you, I feel we are on such similar paths. Writing has helped me immensely too as I try to refind myself. Without reading what others have shared on their blogs, opening up here through writing on my own blog, and the connections I’ve made with others here on WordPress I know I could not be doing this process.

      I do believe like you shared that we are born as who we are. I see the rest of life as sort of picking out clothes, or choosing how we express ourselves. That inner self, who we are born as, is so mysterious to me. I find it hard to put any sort of label on it, or identify it. But I do feel that it is in some way the most real part of me, as well as the most true, good and beautiful part of me. I long to live from that place as much as I can.


      • I understand you and you will and probably are, just the fact that you are so conscious and aware.
        Writing is an incredible tool, one which has taken me my whole life to use, but eventually it came, divine timing as they say.
        Being lost is horrendous but grab onto those small sparks those little synchroniciites,believe in yourself 💙

        Liked by 1 person

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