Learning Free Will? Realizing the “I am” and a Harmonious System Between the “I am” and Ego System.

Beautiful and clear description of the possibilities for each of us. 3 minutes to 7:40 in particular stand out.

I feel as if life before was a battle for my true freedom (which I already had). Well it felt like a battle, but it may have been more a learning of how to live that free will (how to realize that potential). I was full of dreams and wants, but so often when I saw my actions and the thoughts I was in they were not those that I loved. A Bible verse captures it well:

King James Bible: “For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I”

These other versions of Bible lay it out even clearer:

New International Version: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”

New Living Translation: I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”

This seems like a communication from a “I am”/true self who is lost in that place so many of us seem to have fallen into some point before we can even remember. This “I am”/true self is still lost in misidentification, but it recognizes that something isn’t going quite right with the system. It knows it has a great power, and it knows it isn’t being harnessed properly yet. It knows what it wants, but it sees often what it does isn’t what it wants. When it finds itself, the observer within/”I am”/true self, it will gain that real freedom it knows it already has.

When it finds itself, it will start the process of living in harmony with its ego system. Out of that ego system the ego scripts (thoughts) will keep appearing before the “I am”/true self, but now the “I am”/true self will recognize those ego scripts are all stories/suggestions it can choose which one to flow into and give life (more thoughts and also external actions) or it can choose to flow into none of the offered suggestions in that moment. The “I am” is always at peace where it is. Without attention/energy/life from the “I am” the ego scripts fade, and the ego system sends more suggestions. There is learning within all this too it seems. The ego scripts which are given life/attention/energy to the ego system takes note in some way and then seems to suggest them to the “I am” more frequently. Ego scripts which get passed over over and over seem to be sent to stand before the “I am” less frequently.

A beautiful harmony seems to grow within this system. The “I am” being the observer who has the love, energy, calm, life within it which it can choose to flow into and give that life and energy to the ego scripts. Without the ego scripts it seems there would be no internal thoughts the “I am” would be locked in merely observing the actions of the body which would arise from some unconscious system within the body. It seems there would be no free will.

Without the “I am”, it is a hard state to imagine, but it seems that the body would be running like an unconscious machine of sorts, like a clock or the weather. Things happen, but no one wills it and their is no experiential state within it/no awareness/no consciousness/no “what it feels like to be a clock”. Whether this is true or not for the clock or weather I do not know. But it seems we often imagine it to be this way.

Another possibility is with no “I am” we would be in the state we often imagine animals to be in. There is an experience of what it is like to be a dog or a butterfly, but they are not aware of themselves as an “I”. They are conscious (experience/feel fear, joy,sadness, pain, etc.) but they don’t seem to observe self consciously. They do not experience this sense of “I am” happy/sad/afraid”, this feeling that they are a self experiencing something. They just are what they experience in the moment.

It might also be the case that without the “I am” the body would simply fail to move or have any thoughts within at all (or maybe ego scripts would still be sent but even that is hard to understand because they are empty without the “I Am”. Like scripts for a computer with no computer, what is that? Is it possible?). This state sounds like what death looks like. This line of thought about what the system would be/could be without an “I am” is interesting to me. I want to explore this more.

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